Ground Zero

It's always when we think we are going along swimmingly that the rug gets pulled out from under us. Yep that is where I am at today. After feeling so fabulous last week besides getting sick and unable to exercise..today I feel overwhelmed and lacking motvation.

I guess it was bound to happen. It was all going a little to easy really. I was actually starting to feel a bit cocky with the whole thing..like nothng could stop me now. That should have rung alarm bells!!! So here I am still struggling with sickness 10 days after coming down with Tonsilitis...a kilo heavier than I was on Friday and very sorry for myself!

Now the kilo is totally my fault, no excuses. I have been very slack with my diet for various reasons but I had gotten away with a few sneaky 'naughty' meals before. Obviously not this time. I think a part of me wanted to see what difference it would make..the other part of me was just thinking, oh to hell with it, eat what you want!!

Last week I received motivatonal emails from Michelle at 12WBT saying to hang in there and keep going. When I got them, I thought how lovely but wont need that, I've got this covered! But now I see, she was right. Week 5/6 is hard. Although no-one could forsee that I would get sick and get down, maybe there is more underneath.

Going along with this thought, I have realised I don't want to look at my goals and see where I am. I set some one month goals at the beginning of this but honestly I don't think I could tell you what they were! Interesting that I don't want to look. Maybe I'm still afraid of failure..that old self-sabotage is really not as far behind me as I thought.

Well where to go from here? Truely, being able to write about it helps. I feel like whoever reads this is totally understanding where I am coming from and what I am feeling. And I'll never know if you don't, rather than telling someone face to face who doesn't understand and feeling even worse!!

So I have printed my nutrition plan and exercise plan. Now I will write my shopping list and drag the whole family to the shops. Tomorrow I will get up and train. This is not over, it is just a hurdle in the road and by followng the steps that are set out for me (Thanks Mish & 12WBT) I will still reach my goals. I think those goals need to be a little more visable too, don't you think?? I might just print them off for the fridge while I am here :)

Thanks for being so understandng, even if you aren't!!!