Where for art thou Mojo??

So here we are, week 12 of my third round of 12 week body transformation. I have to say, I'm disapponted in myself. I should be so pumped, ready to bring it home strong, but I'm not. I couldn't be further from that point. I really feel I have let myself down this round and not made the most of what was available to me. Why? Well... I just don't know exactly, I mean there are many possibilities and they probably all play a part.

This round, I didn't do the pre-season tasks. One reason for that was the last round and this one ran straight into each other, plus it was when we were away, but bascially it was becuase I didn't make the time. I also think I got comfortable and didn't feel the need to push myself. I mean seriously, since January,  have gone from a size 16/18 to a size 10!! I never dreamed I would have a result like that! But does that mean I am happy with my body? No, it doesn't.

Another factor has been stress. As I mentioned in my last post, life just keeps on getting crazy and it takes it's toll and I think this is really the cause of my current feelings. Sometimes you just want to curl up and make the world go away and you can remerge once you have re-filled your energy banks. Money issues, family stresses and day to day life, no-one can escape them.

I had hoped that after following the 12WBT for the year, I would have all my food issues sorted and  would be a gym junkie for life. But it seems it's not that easy. I still return to food as my good old friend for comfort. Not only comfort but just coz I want it!! Which shows that we are all a work in progress, no matter where we are in life.

So what now? I think it is important to remember where I have come from. I have definately changed the way and the amount I eat, but I have signed up to an online course that says it explains why we like certain foods and why people find comfort in them. I am hoping this will give me the tools to change the relationship I have with food, not such a love-hate relationship!

I have not signed up for the next round of 12WBT, besides promising Mr Loopy that round 3 was my last, I want to be able to see how I go. I find it a little easier to eat healthier during warmer weather so it is the best time of year to try. I have saved all the work outs from this round and will be following them. If I feel the need for a proverbial kick up the butt next year, I will sign up for another round.

With so much going on in our life the last few weeks, I found I got out of the habit of heading to the gym in the morning. I missed it and the awesome girls that are there in the early mornings. We have such a good time. I need to get regularly back there, starting tomorrow!

As far as life goes, this is a more tricky one. I really feel run down after just pushing through and I think this will be the hardest part for me to tackle. Guilt motivates most of us, sadly, and especially as women, we need to stop doing that. There are only so many hours in a day and there are certain things that HAVE to be done, and then there are those that can probably be done another day or even not at all. Being able to recognize what category everything fits into is a challenge. Sorry, I don't have the magic answer, but if you have found how to work that out, please let me know!!

So, here are the facts.....
After 3 rounds of 12WBT, I am at my lowest weight in 11 years!
Although I do eat better than I have in the past, I still have a way to go.
Exercising doesn't come naturally, you have to make it happen!
I have to find the balance in life, what is right for me and for my family.

Here I go, out into the wide world without the safety net of the 12WBT!!

xxxx

Being DoRy

I don't think there is a person on the planet who doesn't know who Dory is. The lovable, yet forgetful fish on 'Finding Nemo' is most famously known for her saying 'Just keep Swimming'. It has kind of become a catch cry for people who are 'keeping on, keeping on'. This is how I'm feeling currently.

There are a lot of reason's why I am feeling this way. Somehow, life just doesn't seem to be slowing down! I keep looking at the calendar waiting for a 'free' weekend, but as soon as you find one, something comes up to fill it in! And it's not trivial things, there are weddings, family gatherings, working...it just doesn't end. What I want to know is, what can I do about it? What do you do?

Is it as simple as deciding that you will only 'do' something two weekends a month and once they are filled, that's it? What if something comes up that is important? What if it is all important?

I don't have the answer, other than to 'Just keep swimming!'

When there is a lot happening in life, it's hard to stay focussed. I'm finding I'm taking things on one week at a time. But I'm letting the worrying or stressing give me options or excuses out of exercise and healthy eating. This is not cool. It has resulted in my weight fluctuating up and down or just remain in the same. I am fortunate it's not just up!

In my family, we have a saying that you are 'running alongside the bike'. What does that mean? If you imagine you have somewhere to go, you need to get there quickly so you grab a bike and start running along side. Is that how a bike should be used? No! But sometimes, you feel so busy, that stopping to get on the bike can feel like a waste of time. We know that it is not. So you need to stop, and get organised and work out what you need to do, to help you do, what you need to do. Make sense?

So what is all this yabbering about? The reason I started this blog was to give myself therapy. Being ablt to write things and kind of unravel what is going through my head. Sometimes I know exactly what I'm going write and other times like today, I've opened a new post and just waited for the words to come.

Now that I have done that, I can see that what I really need to do is get organised! Take the precious time to write a menu list and shop for it. Ensure I go to bed early so I can get up without to much effort. Write and maintain a list of what I need to do so I won't be worried I'll forget something. That will also give me direction of what to do, instead of just wandering around the house!!

So with that in mind, I'll go and check out my list :)

Taking off the Fat Suit

You know when those current affair shows have nothing better to talk about, so decide to see what it would be like for a pretty, skinny model to 'experience' how she would be treated if she was fat?

So they spend hours in the makeup chair to then have a very dramatic 'reveal' to the mirror. Off they go to the streets with dodgy video footage taken from inside a plant pot, to get the 'real' reaction of people around her. At the end, a very teary model emerges from her 'fat suit' with a whole new appreciation of how awesome she is, and how fortunate she isn't fat.

Those of us who have struggled with weight are thinking, if only it was that easy.....

Since I last wrote here, besides being way too long, I have been toy-ing with this post in my head. Loosing weight is a very emotional thing. For some of us, it is our size that can define us. To help cope, we end up putting ourselves down outwardly (and inwardly) to hopefully deflect some of the hurtful things that others may say. For example, my 'screen name' on forums etc before 'Loopy Bird' was 'Wobbly Chuckler'. I came up with it while laughing about something and realising all my fat deposits wobbled.... no harm in that? I didn't think so until I had to sign up for 12WBT and Mish suggested we have a positive name....Loopy is a much better description of me, no matter what size!

When we get called things or comments made about our size from others, we tend to be able to block them out after a while. I think it is the little voices inside our head that are the most destructive. We can't get away from them and we say worse things to ourselves than anyone else ever could.

What I have noticed personally, is that as I have lost weight and people have given me lovely compliments, I have accepted them with thanks, but that darn little voice in my head has not changed it's tune!!!! This has been a MAJOR struggling point with me.

I can see the size of my clothing shrinking. I can see the changes in my body shape. I can feel how much healthier I am. But, it's just not enough for that little voice. Until this week.....

I have a family photo in my purse. It was taken at our 10th wedding anniversary, and my son was having a look at it. He then said to me 'Mum, you don't look like that anymore. You are skinny now'

Well, if I wasn't driving I would have given him the biggest hug in his life and covered him in embarrassing sloppy kisses. Such a sweetheart. It got me thinking since I had looked at the same photo recently and thought I didn't look much different! So, I compared it with a family shot that was taken on our holiday a couple of weeks ago...tell me what you think.

Here is before...(hubby had to keep his identity hidden!! LOL)

And after....

Seeing the difference in comparative photos has made that little voice in my head re-think some of it's language...finally!!! I'm not saying all is perfect. Far from it, what it is saying to me about doing the advanced level in 12WBT is a whole other post for another day!!! BUT, I do feel that I have begun to climb out of my figurative 'fat suit' and look at the world from a happier, and much healthier viewpoint and maybe even feel a little awesome about how far I have come.

If your little voice is bringing you down, maybe it's time you had a heart to heart. I'm going to go change the photo in my purse!

xx

W.I.N.T.E.R.

It's the middle of July and winter has truely taken hold here in the valley!! With temps between -2 and 2 degrees in the morning, it has been more of a struggle to get out of the warm comforts of bed early in the morning!!

Along with the obligatory bout of flu over the school holidays, my exercise regime did go a little amiss in this time, but I'm proud to say that I had created enough of a habit in the weeks preceeding, that I was eager to get back to the gym and continue my fitness training...the new me!!

What I have really struggled with this round is food, yes my old nemisis!! I thought I had got this under control last round, surprising myself with my ability to say no, avoid trays of donuts by drinking water, but with the REALLY cold weather upon us I am finding it so hard not to eat everything in sight!!!! Sadly this is reflected in the result on the scales each week.

The graph that is shown on my stats page is bumpier than my heartbeat! I have found it to be much more of a struggle to keep that graph heading downwards! Even now that I am exercising my butt off, literally, I see how it is 80% about food, and 20% exercise.

So where to from here? Well this past week, I finally got organised, planned and shopped for our meals, lunch and dinner. Even making a fancy Menu board for the kitchen. This has worked wonders because the kids just go and read it rather than bothering me with 'Mum, whats for dinner????' It is so worth taking the time, only half an hour to do this for the week. It takes the stress out of the day because trying to come up with something healthy at least minute NEVER ends well.

Now I have the main part of the meal under control, I have to fight those munchies that seem to come around very quickly and constantly!! How? Well, I'm really not sure! I guess I just going to have to keep going and pray that it gets easier as the weather starts to warm up!!!

I had a lightbulb moment the other day. I realised that I am actually within 4kg of my goal weight!! This has helped me put my weightloss struggle into perspective. They say that the last 5 kg are the hardest. SO....this means that I need to seriously get my act together. The time has come for me to put all these newly learned skills into action, like being organised as mentioned above, and really show my body who is boss!

With a new attitude, I am going to get the absolute most out of these final 4 weeks of this round and get myself as close as possible to my goal weight!!

See you in the gym :-D

Reality Slap!!

Nothing gives you a dose of reality like hopping on the scales. Although the 12WBT program only requires an official weigh in once a week,  I find myself having a sneek peek every couple of days. I find it keeps me on track and motivated...pull your finger out or YES, it's working!!

This morning, I was expecting a loss of a couple of hundred grams as normal since I had been pretty good. Imagine my shock when the scales announced I had GAINED 700 grams since last Friday!!!!! WHAT THE?? 'How could this be?' I asked myself. 'I've been good!' I screamed in my head!! I was so disappointed.

So I doned the gym clothes and off I went, all the time thinking, this isn't fair!! The best thing about treadmill running is that there is no thinking involved. Earplugs in, app engaged, set the speed and go for it. Straight ahead of me is a blank wall across the room and that is where I stare and start to ponder........

Well I did have that glass of wine on Saturday night, and the Ruski...

There was that handful of M&M's I had last Wednesday, Thursday.....Friday

I guess we did have takeaway a couple of times over the weekend...

I really enjoyed that chocolate custard I made....

OH MY GOODNESS!!!!! Before I knew it, reality hits me...SLAP! You have not been 'Good' at all!!

So what were my excuses? What did I say to myself at the time that made these little 'treats' ok, one after the other?

Number one was that I had lost 1.7kg last week. I used this to justify to myself it was ok to eat a bit more, since my body was responding so well to the exercise regime that I was now committed to. Just like the good ol' days! Even now, thinking about it, it began that Wednesday and kind of unfolded from there..... Sadly, I really did think I was doing ok!! LOL!

Secondly, I have found myself also justifying things with, 'This is life, so your not going to be able to keep it up 100% all the time anyway.' Now while there is a degree of truth in that statement, obviously, a little bit too much of the 'old' life is still hanging around. Another one was 'It's nowhere near what I used to eat, so I'll be fine!'

It does bring me to the question, how is this going to work for the rest of my life? Will I never, ever be able to eat a handful of chocolate again? Should I just give away those bottles of wine? If I don't want to cook, what do I do then? Is my only option to become an obsessively organised person? Even saying that makes me cringe....not my style at all.

As much as this program is for 12 weeks, I'm trying to do it in a way that I can sustain long term, for life.

Is that another excuse though? Am I saying that I don't think I can keep this up after unless I give myself a 'way out', regularly? Am I afraid to push out of yet another comfort zone?

Right here, right now, this has just been a MAJOR light bulb moment for me.  I thought I had my diet under reasonable control, and had my head in a good place. This just shows me that I still have work to do!

I even said to myself this morning, 'I don't want to be one of those super dooper fit people, I just want to be healthy' Hahaha!  Wow, another excuse!! Time to go back to my goals and commitment I think. Are they REALLY my goals? If not, what are my goals? Not just what I think I SHOULD have as goals....

More pondering to be done here....stay tuned!!

xxx

Run Rachel! Run!

One of my goals since beginning 12WBT has been to run. Not the run away type run, but to run for the pure enjoyment of it. I have mentioned before that I began using the app C25K-Couch to 5kms for those who haven't heard of it before. The program is supposed to get you from being a couch potato to running 5kms in 8 weeks. Well, I have to be honest and say that it's taking me a bit longer.....I began using the app back in January and today I completed week 5!! Ha Ha! Slow and steady wins the race they say, but I don't think it it supposed to be that slow. I have had my super motivated days and my, well, completely slack days since beginning but what has been my biggest light bulb moment of all, is that the problem was ME!

It all turned around for me at the beginning of this round when I was doing the 1km time trial part of my fitness test. When I had done it before, I would run a bit, walk a bit, run a bit...telling myself I was doing the best I could. But that was a load of crap!! I was doing the best I KNEW I could do. I wasn't really pushing myself out of my comfort zone. So on this cold morning, at the town oval, something in my head changed. Instead of 'I can't', I said 'I can'. I ran the entire 1km. Not only was I saying 'I can', I was also saying 'Running the whole way is not going to kill you!' and 'You will not die because you ran this!'

With this new mind set, fast forward up to today. I knew that the program required me to run for 20 mins today. No walking. The first thought that came to mind was....'I can't'.... followed by all the excuses why not. But once I was off to the gym, I had my game face on. I started thinking, 'Why can't I?' and there was know reasonable reason. The best part of this whole thing is that when I opened the app, to begin, it came up with a motivational quote....'Get rid of Can't'.....Now, that just blew my mind!!

I did it! I ran non-stop for 20 minutes!! I even put the speed up for the last minute!! What the?? Who is this new woman?? The pride I feel for not letting myself talk me out of just going for it is an amazing feeling.
Here is what 'Happy, Exhausted' looks like:

Next, is to convert it to outdoor running...and there is no point saying I can't......because I CAN!!!

P.S. Today was weigh in and I am now over 15kg lighter than when I began! Look out for the happy dance!! Now to find a suitable reward.........

Just a little bit of history repeating.....

Well....after putting it out there last week, making my commitment and telling my 'negative' inner voice that I'm not listening any more, it was like ALL my inner voices decided to get together and hatch a plan to show me who was really boss!! Oh my goodness!! I was questioning everything in my mind, even my friendships! I can now look at this and see that it was my own demons having once last go. But proudly, I can say to them...."Ner, Ner!!!" I just kept powering through, got back to the gym and didn't let those inner voices win!

It is interesting though, and it happened to me last round also, that when you make changes in one part of your life, you start to look around at other areas and wonder how you could apply this newly learned energy there also. How clean would my house be if I set aside regular time to actually clean it? What goals could I set in my job? How much more peaceful would I feel if I gave myself time to nurture my spirituality? The glass definately starts to look half full, rather than half empty.

There was a challenge set for us 12WBT'ers this week to create an inspiration board. I didn't see the point last round, but I now know better! I love scrapbooking and thought I would love to get stuck straight into it, but, I hesitated. I really found it overwhelming, for some reason. So I went to the forums and started to check out other people's boards. There are some very talented people out there and I found I wanted one too!! So with a little time trawling the 'net, this is what I have come up with...

I have it printed on A3 card, laminated and is pride of place on my pantry. I can't believe how much it does inspire me!! DER!! That's the point! My favourite ones are the quote from Gwyneth Paltrow (any mother could relate) and 'Skinny Girls look good in clothes, Fit Girls look good naked!'. How I look without clothes is still a struggle for me and I can't wait to get those stubborn flabby bits moving, so this is what I will be saying in my head from now on!

I still would love to do one that's not digital, something more touchy-feely, and probably to reflect all areas of my life...but I'll keep you posted.

So for those who are putting off doing one, DO IT! And for anyone else, give it a go. If you need something to help you stay focused to reach you goal, do some 'net trawling and see what you find, what have you got to lose?